I'm still here in Mpika trying to get some work done today in town and meet with an NGO this afternoon. I had a great birthday weekend with some other volunteers! On saturday we went to some waterfalls near mpika, swam in the nice cold water, and just hung out. On the downside, we found out that Kathy has decided to return home to the states. Luckily we were able to spend a great last weekend with her. She took the bus down to Lusaka last night and will be flying back to California in a few days. She is the third volunteer who has left Mpika in the span of a month, and when other volunteers are 99% of your support while living out in the bush it's really difficult to see them leave. As I mentioned before, there were certain safety and security issues that forced Becky and Hannah to leave, all stemming from one Zambian who lives in Mpika. What makes the situation even more frustrating is that one person can affect the services of 3 volunteers all in the same area. It makes me sick. It would be just me, Danielle, and Jeanna left in Mpika, but 2 new volunteers just got posted in the district and they seem pretty cool. Katy is another volunteer who will be finishing her service in about a month. I wish Kathy the best as she returns to Americaland, and I'm so grateful for having gotten the chance to know her. She is an amazing person and an invaluable volunteer. She will be greatly missed.

It's really been crazy the ups and downs I have gone through here. One week I'll be feeling great about life here, feel like I'm making headway with my project work, and will feel like I'm assimilating to the culture as best as I can. The next week I will be asking myself what the hell I'm still doing here, feel discouraged about work, and the culture makes me want to pull out my hair (which has been consistently falling out since I got here.) If I was truly out on my own in the bush for 2 years with very minimal contact with other Peace Corps volunteers I honestly don't know if I could make it here for 2 years. It is so hard to be living in a place where you will never fit in. People will always point at you and call you musungu, will always think that you have limitless amounts of money, and will always laugh at you no matter what you do. Of course I have learned to brush off most of it, but it's impossible not to let it affect you. You have to be true to yourself in order to survive here, and that includes being honest with yourself and knowing when you need to be around people who are feeling what you are feeling and who aren't from Zambia. Don't get me wrong, I have grown to love this country and the people of Zambia, but the fact remains that I will always be an outsider no matter what I do. I can still build strong relationships and make great connections with people, but due to the history of colonization and subsequent 'development' in Zambia I will always be viewed in a certain way here, and ultimately it is not the fault of Zambians. And I have to stay true to who I am no matter what circumstance I find myself in. For example, when I first got here I planned to attend many different church services just to get a feel for what religious experience is here in Zambia, but lately have felt that my attending services here is in a way supporting the christianization of this country, and I do not support the brainwashing it has affectively accomplished.

When I first came to Zambia I almost expected to develop a sense of negativity toward America. Yet after being here for 8 months I have found myself feeling the opposite. I really miss living in the U.S. and feel incredibly fortunate to be an American. America, of course, has it's problems, but I would not want be a female growing up anywhere else. I also miss the diversity of America. Some Zambians told me they thought that if they went to America they would be pointed at by white people and called, "black person" (much like they do to foreigners in Zambia), and I explained to them the diversity of America and that it just wouldn't happen. They seem completely baffled by the idea of black americans. I try to explain to them the civil rights movement as well as the emancipation of women in america. They mostly just look at me with blank stares, as if they have never heard of such things, and some of them are educated Zambians! They tell me they would like to have an American wife and I tell them they don't want an American wife because any self-respecting American woman will not cook and clean for you with your children on her back in the hot sun while you sit in the shade under a tree and get drunk. She will also not justify your beatings of her, and won't believe she deserves them because of your interpretation of the Bible. As I have written before, Zambia would change for the better if only the women here realized the power they hold and that the country would fall apart if they were to stop working for one day. I am incredibly grateful for having the opportunity to live in Zambia for 2 years and learn everything that I am learning here, but I think I will be ready to go home in a year and a half to values that I believe in, and to the respect of values different from one's own.

I do love this country though, despite my frustrations, and I am finding that some of the things that frustrate me most are also some of the reasons I choose to stay. My life is one crazy story after another, but I have learned to take one day at a time. And I've also learned that everything has a way of working out. You just have to be patient.

Miss you all! All my luv from Zamland.

Katie

24, single, and no i do NOT have any children :)

Muli shani! I just got into Mpika this morning from Katibunga, Danielle's site. She is my "closest' Peace Corps Neighbor, and I spent my birthday biking about 80k to her place, then today we biked another 45k into town. Have I mentioned that her and I went to the same middle school and used to play soccer together? small, small world. :) I got to her place in the evening and we made velveeta shells and cheese (sent from America) for dinner, and apple strudel that she made for dessert. I would have to rank it up there on one of the best bday dinners ever. :) It's been a busy couple weeks back in the village. The heat has been brutal, but mud huts are an engineering feat! They actually stay pretty cool during the day...no need for an air conditioner here in Africa. Last week one of my friends in the village stopped by and said he was going to see some elephants in a couple days, so I asked if I could tag along. Last Friday we started off in the morning and biked about 4 hours through the bush to Chilanga Scout Camp. I'll write more about my experience there in another post, but they people living at the camp were extremely hospitable. They made my friend and I lunch, then 2 scouts, sporting huge (tranquilizer?) guns and heavy duty boots and camo gear led us into the thick bush, along the Lufila river. About an hour into the hike, we came upon hippos playing in the water. We were so close to them, and they were HUGE. They just looked right at us, then kept playing in the water. Apparently hippos are very territorial and will run after you, slash your achilles with their tusks, then stomp you to death if they feel threatened...good thing we had the scouts with us. We didn't see any elephants that day, but I'm sure I'll have the chance to see them again. I was more than satisfied with just seeing the hippos! By the time we hiked back to the scout camp it was too late to bike home, so the village made us dinner and set up a little bed in the camp office for me to sleep in. I was overwhelmed by their hospitality and extremely grateful for a bed to sleep on. :) Oh, and upon our return from seeing the hippos the scouts told me the village was ready to hear my speech...speech? what speech? I just came here to see hippos! I ended up giving a health talk that turned into a Q and A on hiv/aids. It was an experience I'll never forget. I don't have much time now to right about it, so hopefully in my next posting I can go into more detail.

So other events from the past couple weeks...my bathing shelter burned down. They are lighting all the bush in the country on fire right now and the fires themselves escalate pretty quickly. I went to bed thinking the fire in my yard had receded to the river, but came outside about an hour later and my bathing shelter was in flames. Of course my soap, shampoo, razors, basin, and some laundry I had done earlier that day were all inside. I can handle not having the bathing shelter for the SCORCHING month of october because I can just bathe in the river...who knows, maybe I'll just have to bathe down there for the rest of my service...When my neighbors came over that night to begin the burning, I thought to myself, what better time to make s'mores! I had bought the supplies in Kasama and was going to introduce the delicious treats to my neighbors sometime soon anyway, so I told all the kids to find a stick and we roasted marshmallows while my yard was on fire. They seemed baffled by the whole concept, but I think they liked the s'mores. They are kids, it's sugar, enough said. :)

Someone stole all the nuts and screws that attach my front wheel to my bike, so I was riding it around praying I wouldn't be doing a nosedive. Luckily a friend came and got it one day and said he would be back in the afternoon. Later that day, he brought it back almost completely fixed. Of course I can't find tomatoes or toilet paper in my village, but spare bike parts they have. Add it to the list of things here that don't make any sense. I'm starting to compile a list of things that I have yet to understand here in Zambia. For example, Zambians are the most patient people on earth but can't stand in a line to save their lives. Everyone budges! Just this morning at a restaurant about 5 people in a row reached handfuls of money over my head and shouted out what they wanted as the workers completely ignored me and served them first. Also, the pace of life here is pretty slow and everything takes an extremely long time from transport to meetings. However, people drive crazy fast down streets in their cars honking like crazy as if they have a million places to go and a million things to do. As a pedestrian, you are at the bottom of the food chain. Not only do you need to dodge cars, but bikes can creep up on you too. Most of the frustrations I had in my first few months here I am now able to laugh off. Maybe the fact that so many things don't make sense here and life is kind of a gong show is one reason why I also love Zambia.

I will try to write more soon. I am camping at the waterfalls in Mpika this weekend with some friends and will be staying in town probably until Tuesday to get some work done. I miss home and everyone, and I hope all is well back in the states. All I hear about on the BBC lately is how horrible the economy is over there right now. There's more talk about that than the election! I hope things get better soon. Stay well, much luv from Zambia.

Katie